I was once the kind of person that would bet everything if I felt that I could conquer.
I went into baptism but a sense of pride in my abilities took over and I misunderstood christianity. I worked really hard at my righteousness and soon it dawned on me that I needed to accept what Jesus did for me on the cross in order to be righteous. I didn’t want to because it would mean that I was the same as everyone else. Guilty of the death of Jesus. It never occurred to me that Jesus wanted to die for me. But why would I want to have someone die for me ? That was sick !
In the end I was forced to accept what Jesus did for me and I had to die. It was like losing an arm wrestle against God. I had to accept one drop of His blood in order to be saved. So I did it because the pain and the torment of not doing it was far worse for me than to accept His work. But I also knew that I would die and He would come live in me. He was there all along , if you ask me. So in a way all I did was accept who I already was without striving. Before I got baptised I wasn’t striving . I started to strive after I got baptised. I didn’t understand Faith in Jesus.
So I had to go through a whole walk where I made peace with the fact that I didn’t kill Jesus because he chose to do it and He rose from the dead. And if I have Faith in Him I too would rise from the dead.
Anyway , the point of this post is , I can never undo the fact that I needed to accept His blood in order to be saved physically and spiritually. My nature is to deny that I did because I want the glory for my own life. I can never say that I never accepted His blood. It happened. And it’s irreversible.
I once decided that Jesus isn’t real and that I had fallen for a myth but then where does that leave me ? I needed someone’s blood in order to be righteous, according to the definition of the word of God. But then again if I never did what I did , I’d have died. It got so bad that I was having a heart attack and had to accept His blood. So without accepting His blood I’d not be. So calling Jesus not real is like calling myself not real. I would not be here to type this, I’d have been dead.
So then I started to feel guilty that I denied Jesus is real. And the torment began all over again. I got baptised again because I thought that the first time was a type of John’s baptism. Works based. This time I got baptised as an open display of my faith in Him. So where does that leave me now ? Anyway , it’s like Jesus said ” The work of God is this , to believe in the one that He sent ” . I can’t deny Him. When I am unfaithful , He is faithful.
So this morning I woke up and thought to myself. You know what , it happened . I lost the wager against God. He saved me. I showed that I am human and need something from someone outside myself. No shame in that. But to the world that’s shame. To some at least. Anyway , I am saved. Without a doubt. Like I said , if I had not accepted His blood I’d not be here. With the pain I felt in my head at the time and how he cooled down the pain in my head right when I needed it . And I owe my life to Him. Who’s Him ? The Word. To me The Word is God. His blood saved me. So I am saved. One drop is all it took.