I haven’t written for ages. I am going through a tough time. I’ve just come through a tough time. My mother has passed away after five months of severe illness. She developed liver bile duct cancer. Cholangeo carcinoma.

I’ve been missing wondering why am I doing all of life still. I am 53 and wondering if people will even follow me anymore. What’s the point if your mother dies ? It’s pure terror to think of life without her. Things have got to change now , slowly. She suffered allot during her five months of illness. I battled to understand her and try save her. It all ended up with me looking after her at night and changing her nappy. Fighting doctors and people who believe in morphine.

I am lost for now… I have to configure my life in a way that still functions for the next two years without falling apart. I don’t know where all the strength is going to come from. All the decisions that I have to make. I have a pain on the right side of my head and it doesn’t want to go away. I don’t do anything in a worldly sense to alleviate it. I don’t smoke , drink or do anything to pacify my pain.

I’ve allot of footage to prove what I am saying is true. Not that I have anything to prove.