It has occurred to me in the past that I have missed it , that I wanted to become a doctor in life but was told that I am too stupid to be a doctor when I was only 12. It was the transvaal education departments policy to discourage children who weren’t practical from becoming doctors. They used reverse psychology and stressed the children out who wanted to be doctors by telling them they’re stupid in the hopes that they’d spend the rest of their school career trying to prove that they weren’t stupid but were clever.

It worked on me , I tried hard to prove that I was clever enough to be a doctor . And I decided that I’d prove that I need to get the highest biology mark in the class. So ? What happened was that I used to get the second highest mark in the class for biology. I told myself that I must be too stupid because I couldn’t be the best.

When I graduated from school I was told to go study and I didn’t know what , so I studied metallurgical engineering . All because it was recommended to me by a Mr. Ian Dam from old mutual insurance company. So I studied it and later found out that it is harder than medicine from doctors who told my mother. I felt empty when I left high school , my dream of being a doctor slipped through my fingers.

Anyway , I had a blowout when I was 26 . I couldn’t reconcile my identity to lying for my boss . A Mr. Gawie Lotter. Who ordered me to lie . I couldn’t , and he started pressuring me and treating me like an outside because he said ” you’re not a team player “. I thought on what team are you that you want me to lie ? I wouldn’t lie. So I burned out . He broke the law by denying me leave and now I am medically boarded.

BUT GOD… had a plan. And I’ve been told by many Christians that I am a healer. And I am beginning to see that when you make Jesus Lord of your life you clothe yourself in His righteousness and then you become who you were always meant to be. ” Oh physician heal thyself ” . In Christ we are physicians , we can heal the sick. ” And they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover ” .

And so , I am at the beginning stages of embracing this identity that Jesus died to give me.