Sometimes our minds can take us to a place where God is angry with us. We might think that He doesn’t forgive us for our perceived infraction. In my case I flat out decided that Jesus isn’t real about 15 years ago. And that after a high high I got into while believing in Him. I don’t know where I decided to believe he wasn’t real but the whole thing about not seeing tongues of fire on top of peoples heads got to me when I was supposed to have received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. So I decided it’s all mythology and left the faith. But Jesus never stopped believing in the Father for me and I never got that. So when I came back to faith I thought that he’d be angry with me that I didn’t believe He was real. But like Peter who also denied Christ and Thomas who wanted to first feel his hands and side Jesus never was angry with them because of this. In Peter’s case He even said that he has prayed for Him that his faith would be made sure or something to that effect. The point is Jesus was never angry with Peter because he didn’t stick with Him. God is Love. He’s not petty but because of our relationship with authority figures we have had the bad experience on earth that we’ve decided that God is the same. Anyway… I am starting my journey back to the Father like the prodical son. Blessed are those who believe and who have not seen. So I am doing the work of God that Jesus said we have to do which is to believe in the one that He sent. Blesssed are those who have believed and have not seen. I only want to do good with Nikipress and all I experience are problems.. Lack of faith and challenges. My heart still hurts because of my dear mother. The anxiety my sole is in because of the state of the world eats away at me. I hurt so much. And yet here I am baring my sole to the world. I don’t expect pitty I hope that people can identify and join me in my struggle and help each other to walk in the victory that Christ has won for us on the cross. This is my confession.. The Bible says for us to confess our sins one to another and here I am. Confessing.
I went to an orthodox priest last week to confess but he tried to make me confess that I am a sinner because I don’t pray to Mary. I told him I am not. I believe I adult baptism have nothing against those who identify infant baptism but he told me that he is right and I am wrong. I told him the one baptism I believe in is my adult baptism because according to the nicean crede we have to believe in one baptism. He told me that I’ve ruined my one baptism as a child. I asked him how could I since I have never remembered it. I was only three months old. Pathetic. He also told me that he has a special Crack in his forehead in the shape of a cross. All priests have this he said. How pathetic. And that Mary didn’t give birth to Jesus in the normal way. So I told him it’s the first time I have ever heard that. Jesus landed on Mary’s lap miraculously. Like in a flash of light… Any many other disagreements we did have… I asked him if he is trying to play the role of my conscience and he said no, I am confessing to Jesus and he showed me an icon of a Jesus I was confessing to.. Whatever.. I asked him if he could deny me communion and he said no seeing as how I am baptized as an Orthdox and it’s on my conscience if I take communion. So I told him just to put another nail in my coffin that I am an ordained minister or pastor. So that’s it… Just to see the shock in his face.. This is my confession. What he doesn’t understand is that I confess pubically here. I am righteous by the blood of the lamb praise God.
Anyway.. It’s been a blast just writing here again. Thanks for following.
