I haven’t been busy on the network for a while now. I am busy revamping a kitchen. Trying to get my life sorted and organized. I have been watching some youtube videos and thinking to myself , why am I not making any content ? Just so busy.

I turned 48 the other day. didn’t really do anything special. Just built kitchen cupboards. I’d love to create some content but why does it feel like I am not in the right space to do it right now ? I remember the last thing my dad told me was that it was good that I bought a microphone for my camera. I would love to honor my dad and create some content but when will that be ?

I have to move a whole house from one location to another. And then think about everything I am trying to achieve . I just want to have fun and help the world doing it.

Anyway.. enough said… over and out.

Here’s the thing. If I take when my father passed on , and I take my age , I don’t have much time left to do anything. I’ve wasted allot of time. When I was 30 I said that when I am 40 I wanted to be in front of audiences. I’ve only spoken at funerals. Never had an opportunity to relay anything . To the point that I feel that I used to have a ton to say , and now ? , I feel like I have nothing to say. I’ve been oppressed and lied to. I have a vision. Perhaps I should start small. But I need opportunity. I feel like circumstances aren’t working with me. In the meantime, I see great strides from the younger folk. They are embracing social media like pro’s and I am sitting here with any and all responsibility. 25 years is all I got . I need to embrace it and make it work for me , not I for it. 

I’ve learned allot about multisites and blogging since I’ve started. I haven’t quite figured out advertising yet. There are a few legal loopholes I need to jump through before that ever takes effect. Oh Oh Oh ! Wait.. let me tell you what I’ve found. It’s PDFdrive.com. Where you can download text books for free. So I put in PR books. And I found a ton of text books to download. I wanted to see what I missed out on when I didn’t follow the direction I was told to follow when I did my aptitude tests in high school . Net result ? I have downloaded 9 text books. I worked out that if I have to read 4 pages a day it’ll take me 2 years to read all of them. So that’s what I am going to do. A kind of self imposed degree. I just want to see what I missed out on. Luckily for me , I don’t need to write any exams to get a qualification because the degree I have is already an overkill for PR.

I have also been reading bible. I bought a cheap bible to mark text in . I think it’s better to have a cheap bible. I can’t bring myself to write in an expensive bible.

I feel like I am writing an exam , called life. And I am failing because time is almost up. I remember in School I could never finish an exam in the allotted time.

I have a knack. A knack of helping people in tight situations change their public image. And what have I been doing with my knack ? I’ve been handing it out for free. But no more will I do this service for free. People just ride you and when they’re happy they forget about you. My natural gift is PR. What am I doing with my gift ? I am burying it in the ground. I was told to study a BA communications in art degree. I thought ” I am not the artist in the family ” . Why would they tell me to go study art ? Obviously they saw something that I missed. It’s never too late to try and make a go of it. I have been told that I have a smart mouth. I can sell ice to eskimos.

So , starting this year , I aim to do some art lessons. Buy a new lens for my camera , and try to find my voice again. I know I’ve said allot on this blog about my life and what I should have and could have done. I also know that in Christ I get to be what my hearts desire is. But you have to take some steps toward it. Starting with art could lead to being on stage sharing the gospel. I am just tired of being weighed down by people not seeing me for who I am. I’ve realized I have no friends in this world. They don’t see me. If they did I’d not feel like I have to prove myself around them all the time. They’d just accept me. Bunch of idiots. They always get into the ‘ where does your money come from ? ‘ routine.

About 6 years ago I got a word from the pastor of my church. He said ” Nick , it’s time to stop looking in the rear view mirror of your life and start looking in the windscreen ” . I was very angry when he said it but it’s true. I joined that church because it connected me to the people in my high school. None of whom I’ve gained any benefit out of . In fact I’ve been downright disappointed by them. They value I placed on them was misplaced. Perhaps I was looking back after all. And even this whole ” I should have been a doctor thing ” is looking back. ” Or I should have studied PR ” … who cares. Point is.. I must just be happy and the little space God has carved out for me will materialize. And people will tell me what I should be. I’ve an idea it’s PR … Sharing the gospel is PR for God but God didn’t build us to have zero secular success. He also built us to succeed in the world.

Weather it’s giving advice to world leaders or just doing the odd painting , I have to find some certainty in my life.

Anyway , Happy New Year everyone.

I’ll try to post a few more interesting videos in the network this year. Spread it out.